Monday, March 02, 2009

Jack Johnson for Governor

Are you as excited as I am at the prospect of Prince George’s County Executive Jack Johnson running for Governor? Of course you are! But just in case you’re not, let’s list all the reasons why we should support Johnson for Governor.

Bold Leadership

Back in December 2007, Jack Johnson boldly supported Barack Obama for President. A couple months later, Johnson even more boldly supported Hillary Clinton. And in a dazzling super-bold move, Johnson rejoined Obama in May 2008. It’s fair to say that no Maryland politician made more bold choices in the Presidential race.

Not bold enough for you? How about openly musing about running against Martin O’Malley when the Prince George’s delegation is fighting for more state aid? That may not be real smart, but it’s plenty bold. We’re talking General Custer-style bold here!

Good Government

We know Jack Johnson stands for good government! Let’s start by clearing all appointments through WSSC Wild Child Juanita Miller. We may not get a bunch of PhDs that way, but at least the right people will be taken care of!

Not enough? Jack Johnson is considerate of our busy schedules. He knows we have no time to read all about his secret trips to foreign countries. It’s none of our business anyway, right? Good government on a need-to-know basis – ONLY from Jack Johnson!

Frugal Use of Tax Dollars

Governor Johnson will be sure to spend our limited tax dollars wisely. Just look at Prince George’s County Hospital. Keeping it open will only cost the state $12 million a year plus a couple hundred million in upgrades and debt retirement. But who’s counting? We can pay for all of that with new revenue from a soccer stadium. And if that doesn’t work, we can always get more state aid. Maybe Virginia would like to contribute?

Support for Non-Profits

Jack Johnson has a plan for supporting our vital non-profit sector. Remember his work on the National Harbor project? Developer Milt Peterson agreed to set up a $700,000 charity fund as part of his deal to develop the giant site. Who cares if gobs of it wound up with Johnson’s political allies? And how dare those nosy state prosecutors pick on our guy? We are sure those charities spent the money wisely and we are just as sure they’d love to get some more of that cold hard cash. All we need is another giant development project to leverage. Have any nice parcels in your neighborhood?

Reforming the State Police

Everybody knows those nasty state police need to be reformed. How about sending armed SWAT teams to maraud through their houses while they duck for cover in their underwear? That will straighten them out real quick!

And if you have any doubts that Jack Johnson is the man for this job, think about this: who can know more about law enforcement than someone who is under investigation by them?

Well, OK… maybe the case for Johnson is not quite as strong as we initially believed. But Johnson has a real chance against O’Malley. Why? Just remember – two years ago, Maryland allowed felons to vote!