Friday, December 11, 2009

No Need for Big Brother with Big Daddy

The Gazette’s Doug Tallman reported a rumor that a bronze statue of Senate President Mike “Big Daddy” Miller might be installed outside the Mike Miller building. (Don’t you love it when MSM reporters start spreading rumors as do irresponsible bloggers?) But we don’t think a statue is enough!

All of Big Daddy’s kids (i.e., the Maryland Senate) know how indispensable he is. A statue simply will not do. Every office must have its own mini-Miller statue. (And no, it can’t be one of those rubber Bash-the-Boss statues.) Every office will be issued a bottle of Chivas Regal, re-branded as Royal Mike. The special state license plates for legislators will be replaced with new plates bearing Miller’s image. And there must of course be portraits in the bathrooms so that Big Daddy will never be far from his children. As for the toilet paper, well… let’s stop there.

The Mike Miller Senate Office Building, only a small part of Big Daddy’s realm.

But this is all still not enough! The statues and portraits will eventually crumble. The license plates will fall off. The Chivas bottles will sadly run out.

So to fix this, there must be a new state law. From now on, whoever takes over as Senate President must legally change his (or her) name to Mike Miller. Inserting “Big Daddy” as the middle name is optional. That will truly cement the great one’s legacy and ensure that the state will forever be run by Mike Miller.

Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?