MoCo Government Takes Over the Redskins

Beleaguered Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder has turned over the team to the Montgomery County government. In an MPW exclusive, we bring you into a meeting of the County Council as they discuss what to do with the club.

Phil Andrews: The present situation is totally unsustainable. Expenses are out of control. The players’ salaries have been soaring for years. No more raises!

Valerie Ervin: These players are cream-puffs. They couldn’t tackle a donut. I’m calling the Teamsters Union so we can get some real tough guys in there.

Nancy Navarro: It’s time for us to recognize and embrace the diversity on the team. If we do that, everything will be all right.

Nancy Floreen: The devil is in the details. And who’s paying for all this?

Marc Elrich: The problem we have is the capacity tests for the players. Twenty years ago, the previous ownership instituted a local area test and a project area test for player evaluation. Then the new owners came in and their financial contributors messed up the tests to benefit their own draft picks. If we watch the money, fix the tests and change absolutely nothing else for decades, we’ll have a higher quality of life for the fans.

Tom Manger: Would a helicopter help?

Jerry Weast: I don’t care what you do as long as you don’t mess with my budget. But if there is any left-over money from concession sales, I can always use it.

Brian Johnson and Rollin Stanley: Will the team be issuing credit cards?

Mike Knapp: What do you think, Roger?

Roger Berliner: I’m waiting for four of you to agree on something and the other four to oppose it. Then I get to decide!

Patrick Lacefield: Just keep the damn bloggers out of the stadium.

Duchy Trachtenberg (just back from Boston): They need to tighten their belts! And don’t forget to protect the transgender players!

All Council Members Together: We want some state money! Where is our delegation?!

Ike Leggett: OK, it’s settled. We’ll do all of the above, except for the things we don’t do.

George Leventhal: But what happens if that doesn’t work?

Ike Leggett: Then it’s the council’s fault. What, do you guys think I’m going to take the fall for this?