Pimping Castle Raided by Police

Montgomery County Police raided Bethesda’s so-called “Pimping Castle” last night and MPW reporters were on the scene. The raid will quickly go down as one of the wildest ever in county history.

Responding to complaints by neighbors, dozens of county police converged in an early morning raid on the rental property known as the “Pimping Castle” in Bethesda last night. Officers apprehended dozens of unclothed and semi-clothed patrons, as well as numerous devices, implements, machines and how-to manuals that required several Ride-On buses to relocate.

“Let’s put it this way,” said Police Chief Tom Manger. “They had an object that looked like an obelisk in there that was bigger than anything the pharaohs built. And it wasn’t exactly covered in hieroglyphics. The attendees weren’t archaeologists either, although they were certainly digging around in places they didn’t belong!” Inquiries as to the whereabouts of the attendees and equipment poured in from places as far away as Bangkok, Amsterdam, Timbuktu and Xanadu.

The fire department also had to employ the “Jaws of Life” to extricate four attendees from one of the “sex machines” employed by the “Pimping Castle.” All four participants resisted rescue, claiming that they only needed another few minutes inside.

Manger did not respond to multiple witness statements that up to three County Council Members were apprehended in the raid. “Look, it’s a bad budget year, and I have a requisition in for a new $65,000 bathroom,” said the Chief. “Do you really think I want to mess that up?”

One of the individuals snared by the raid was MPW contributor Marc Korman, who claimed that he was led to believe that a Democratic Central Committee meeting was taking place inside the house. “How many Central Committee meetings are held with everybody in their underwear?” Manger laughed. Another individual caught inside was none other than rogue blogger Adam Pagnucco, who claimed to be conducting an “under-cover investigation.” “Look, there’s a reason why I keep hedge clippers in the house, and it’s not to trim hedges,” said the blogger’s wife, Holly Olson. “He better not come home anytime soon, or Andres is going to be an only child!”