Town of Chevy Chase Sold

In shocking news, the Town of Chevy Chase Town Council announced that the Town has been sold to a joint venture by Federal Realty and Caesars Palace. The Town's residents will all move into a single giant 25-story condo building located at the south end of the Town. Mayor Lena Barnes will announce the sale at a press conference in front of the Town Hall at the Leland Center today.

County and state officials worked overtime to make the deal happen. In a special 3:30am Columbus Day session, the County Council adopted a zoning text amendment (ZTA) changing the zoning of the Town in the Master Plan from R-60 to CBD-3. Labor Secretary Tom Peres successfully lobbied the administration for a casino license for Caesars Chevy Chase which will open at Leland Center in Fall 2008. Mike Maden of the Maryland Transportation Administration (MTA) agreed that all Purple Line trains would be painted the color of asphalt in order to color coordinate with the new paved trail and to open a bike connection through Elm St. Park to the new Town Hall/Casino.

Town residents gushed about the plan to reporters: "With all the storm drain and water main problems, it just wasn't viable to maintain a community of single-family homes over the long term" said David Lublin, a member of the Town's Long-Range Planning Committee. Another resident explained in a telephone interview that "The $20 off coupon to Barnes & Noble is what sealed the deal for me."

However, not all residents are happy with the plan. One local progressive activist expressed displeasure that her suggestion to paint "Kucinich 2008!" on the sides of the building facing downtown Bethesda and the Chevy Chase Country Club had not been adopted. "I think the Town needs to be a leader on these questions" said the resident in a statement issued on recycled, oatmeal-colored paper.

The Chevy Chase Urban Partnership (CUP) applauded the plan, issuing a statement headed "You Can't Stop Progress!" CUP promised that it would consider running a shuttle from downtown Bethesda to the new Town of Chevy Chase Building starting in 2015 but only if funding is forthcoming. Sen. Rick Madaleno, a member of the Budget and Tax Committee, promised to do his best to secure money for this purpose from the State but said "It's going to be a tough fight in today's climate with so many projects competing for scarce transportation dollars."