Remember the Magic?

No new posts have appeared for several days on Maryland Politics Watch because your intrepid blogger left the safety and comfort of Montgomery County to go on vacation outside the Old Line State at Walt Disney World. Disney World is enormous with four theme parks, two water parks, along with umpteen stores, hotels, and even a gaggle of rather sanitized nightclubs. In short, this is no Mickey Mouse operation.

We had a great time touring the parks. We happened to arrive at the Magic Kingdom just as one of the many parades featuring Disney characters began to come down Main Street USA. Besides the usual suspects of Mickey, Minnie, Donald Duck, and Goofy, this one focused on all of the famous princesses from Disney movies—Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, the Little Mermaid, Snow White—and their gay boyfriends.

Perhaps the most amazing aspect of Disney World is the consistency and quality of the service. Disney employees are uniformly friendly and helpful, and know how to deal with the problems that inevitably come up in a theme park. In the space of about fifteen minutes, I saw one “cast member” selling candy in Frontierland help a thirteen year old locate his lost parents and another direct a woman in a wheelchair to the front of the line for a ride. Ever Disney restaurant has a vegetarian option and is happy to accommodate food allergies and health needs.

Disney has been accused of running a fascist state behind the scenes in order to achieve this level of service. The rules banning long hair and facial hair have long been cited as key evidence, though apparently neatly trimmed moustaches are now permitted. However, I’ve got to hand it to anyone who can get a workforce which has so many people who look like this is their first job to perform so well. I’m afraid that I’ve never had the same level of success in the classroom. Of course, I can’t fire my students!

It must be tough to achieve this level of service without Tinkerbell spreading her fairy dust or some other less legal substance around widely. How does someone remain so cheerful while dancing around in one of those character costumes in ninety degree heat? Most people don’t even get to play Mickey. I saw a whole troop of employees dressed as the brooms from the Sorcerer’s Apprentice in Fantasia. Others spend their days loading people on to the same ride day after day. They not only avoid jumping on the tracks, they even manage to smile.

One of the most enjoyable shows in any of the parks ironically features no Disney characters whatsoever. Jim Henson’s Muppet Vision 3-D has a wry sense of humor that I find more amusing than the usual syrupy Disney approach. You gotta love when Rizzo the Rat tries to pass as Mickey Mouse. Some of the lines have gotten only funnier over the years:

Kermit the Frog: We will also see a rousing finale from Sam the Eagle. What's it called, Sam?

Sam the Eagle: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America".

Disney’s newest theme park, the Animal Kingdom, is also probably its coolest. I’m amazed that the safari ride hasn’t put the Jungle Cruise in the Magic Kingdom out of business. “It’s Tough to Be a Bug!” combines a 3-D movie with surprising live action effects in the way that Disney does better than anyone. This park even has a bar for adults though don’t try to get a picture taken with a Disney character while holding on to a margarita. Cast members will politely insist on holding it for you while you take the picture. I guess Mickey doesn’t like to party.

The Animal Kingdom relentlessly promotes environmentalism, even banning tops and straws from plastic cups in order to protect the animals. It all seems very Takoma Park, or at least Garrett Park, except that the relentless expansion of Disney World has pretty much operated on the “pave paradise, put up a parking lot” motto. If you’ve seen the size of a Disney parking lot, you know what I mean. The “you can’t stop progress” theme of the Carousel of Progress seems more authentically Disney.

Of course, progress continues even at Walt Disney World. The animatronics which seemed so cool when I visited the park years ago now seem very dated. Eastern Airlines no longer sponsors an attraction in Tomorrowland. Rumor has it that even the Carousel of Progress will soon be retired after over four decades.